The Difficult Choice

Today I made one of the most difficult choices I have made in my life. No doubt there will be more yet to come, especially with this whole divorce issue, but this one earns the "My Most Difficult Decision of the Month" Award. Not only that, but it has been one of the most difficult decisions in my life.

Those of you who know, you know that I said I finally had enough of being a non-denominational Christian. I want you all to read carefully. There is nothing much fun about being non-denominational. In fact, there's nothing really all that great about it. I know some of you are going to disagree with me, because some of you are non-denominational. Fine, I will respect that. God gave us free will, and you are making it on your own decisions on your own free will. (At least I hope you are.) But I ask that you also respect my ability to choose. You don't have to agree with it. Heck you don't even need to like it. But this is my choice, my decision, my right. And if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. Simple as that. And just before you get any ideas. I have been researching constantly on this subect. I have prayed constantly. Thought constantly. Read constantly. In the end, I made this decision. You don't need to respect my choice, just respect the fact that this is what I choose. If not, then I don't know what to tell you. You're going to have to unfollow my blog or something. Or you'll have to leave my stories alone. Or you'll have to avoid me in general.

I want those of you who are going to continue to follow this blog to know that I am grateful. You are loyal to me. Clearly you are my truest fans, and in some cases, my truest friends. I want to thank you for that.

Now then, I'll tell you about the choice.

On August 2nd, I came to the realization that I couldn't continue being non-denominational. Not the way I was anyway. The best way to describe my pain and such is by using a metaphor. I know most (if not all) of you  have at least read the Narnia books. So you know what I mean when I talk about the Silver Chair and how I was constantly clinging to it. And sometimes I was acting like Puddleglum, proclaiming, "I will believe in Aslan even if there is no Aslan." To simply put it, I was constantly going through a trial of doubt, reconcilation, and doubt again. It was a cycle that seemed to never end. One that wouldn't stop since I left the Baptist church that I had left months ago. It was then I realized it was because I had the lack of the support system and teaching of a church to help guide me. And it was then I realized that being non-denominational wasn't the answer, at least not the kind of answer I'm looking for.

So after much praying, I felt that same feeling I felt that day I nearly committed suicide. Clearly God heard my prayers, and He sent this feeling to guide me. It was by this feeling I was able to narrow down my options of denominations between the Church of England and the Catholic church. However, it was between these two different denominations I found myself stuck. Mostly because the two of them are so similar and so alike in theology that I didn't know what to think. Admittedly, I faltered, hesitated, whichever word you like to use. I was stuck between these two denominations. I didn't know which one to choose.

This was what led me to do a lot of searching. This included lots of research. I had to pour questions out to a Catholic apologist. And I also asked a friend about Anglicanism (the alternative name for the Church of England.) Some could argue and say I didn't give Anglicanism a proper chance because I didn't ask lots of questions, but the reality is I didn't need to. My friend sent me a link which told me all (if not most) of the doctrines that were taught in the Church of England (not the Epicospal one). But in true reality, I don't think it would have mattered. The Feeling seemed to be leading me in the right direction anyway. I just came to a part that seemed like a fork in the road. But the way was revealed to me by my prayers.

I'm pretty sure you have probably guessed it by now, but I am going to tell you anyway. The denomination that I decided to join was Catholicism. I will say this, it's going to be difficult for me. I'm going to have reorganize some of my views, and get use to the rituals, and the practices and such. But I will go through with it. Somehow, some way, I'm going to succeed. It's going to be even more difficult considering the fact that my father is a Baptist, and no doubt he will disagree with these new views. But I will manage. I have faced suicide and thousands of other obstacles in my lifetime. I know with God's help I'm going to make it through this as well.

Well there you go, you now know the difficult choice I had to make this month. You may now go ahead and do what you see fit. If you feel you should quit following my blog, by all means, go ahead. If you feel you will follow my blog regardless of what I believe, than that's fine too. All I ask is that you please accept the fact that I have made my choice. I have researched, I have prayed, I have followed the Feeling. Not only that, but I kept God in my sights.

May God keep you,

WriterFreak